Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for February 6th, 2015

Surviving Valentine’s Day: Pauline Parril’s Advice for Married Women

Posted in General Information on February 6, 2015| 2 Comments »

Collette Yvonne Author Photo

Collette Yvonne is the author of The Perils of Pauline and I am happy to post Pauline’s Advice on Valentine’s below.

Surviving Valentine’s Day: Pauline Parril’s Advice for Married Women

by Pauline Daley-Parril

Valentine’s Day hashtags are proliferating on Twitter. That means one thing: #valentinesdayiscoming. For single women, the 14th of February is tough enough when it’s #nodate and #aloneagain. But for married women, Valentine’s Day is a #minefield #forgetaboutit #norosesforyousister #fml.

For women in general, Valentine’s Day is like trying on a new bikini: single girls hope to find something nice that handles the girls effectively but all too often end up with lingering regrets and maybe a yeast infection from the previous person who tried the bathing suit.

All that married women can hope for is that the top half can still work the old black magic while the bottom half still fits the base.

Meanwhile, the average man is completely oblivious to the whole #chocolates #romance and #finedining thing. That’s because he hasn’t set foot in a shop since the day before Christmas when he did his annual shopping trip. Only women know that, just minutes after New Year’s Day is over, every store and mall in the country turns into a raging river of pink and red hearts with fur-trimmed bralettes on display in every window.

It’s not enough to avoid the flood of lacey crap at the mall. You better stay away from the drugstores too. Trouble is, you forgot to get your flu shot last fall, didn’t you? Now you need lozenges for the bug that is shredding up all the real estate in your throat. In you go, determined to make it past the heart-shaped candies and roses-made-of-chocolate aisle. You quickly skirt the section with the wide selection of ribbed condoms, cherry-flavored lubricants and estrogen massage cream. But, suddenly, you’re confronted by the greeting card aisle. Love is in the air. And it’s sucking all the oxygen from the store.

You pause to look at all the pretty, pretty cards. Maybe it’s a good idea to inject a little romance into your plodding relationship and get your man a special valentine? You pick up a card with a pink satin bow. It says: “You are my forever best friend.” But, last time you checked, your husband wasn’t a Golden Retriever. The card with the velvet trim says, without the tiniest trace of irony: “Every moment I spend with you is a dream.” Every last card is festooned with curvy fonts, cupids, roses, arrows and hearts. As if you weren’t feeling sick enough with the flu before.

The sad fact is there are no realistic cards for wives to give to husbands. Clearly, companies need to offer cards with more truthful messages, such as: My darling, you deserve the best of me. (Sorry I called you a moron yesterday. The stupid of you got the better of me.)

Or: You can be my Valentine, but only if you stop being a prick.

For newer brides, the card could read: Be mine. (Unless you cheat on me. In that case, I will cut you.)

Or: Let’s get married all over again! (Without your drunk cousins this time.)

Together forever. (Unless you screw it up.)

Middle-aged marrieds have even more options: Loving you is my mission. It’s right up there with gaining control of the remote someday.

You are still hot to me. Mostly. (I’m still sleeping in my socks tonight because your feet are freaking blocks of ice.)

You make me smile. (To be honest, sometimes I smirk. Sometimes, it’s an evil grin. And sometimes I laugh hysterically. You say tomato …)

For older marrieds, the card could say: I can’t believe I’m still putting up with your shit. But, wonder of wonders, I am!

Nothing can compare with you! Dude, you could win a snoring contest.

Together, we are stronger. Especially when we fart at the same time.

Never mind. Skip the card aisle. You have a bad head cold. It’s February for goodness’ sake. Your man doesn’t want a card anyway. He’d prefer a roughly hand-drawn coupon for an anytime, anywhere blowjob-on-demand.

Buy yourself some chocolate and don’t forget the cough syrup.

*~*~*

22499741

After reading that article I admit that I’m curious to read The Perils of Pauline. If you are too, here are the links for Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Goodreads, and Collette’s website.

Read Full Post »

Tap Rack Bang

Posted in 5 Star Books on February 6, 2015| Leave a Comment »

23123575

Tap Rack Bang (Ben Blackshaw – 3) by Robert Blake Whitehall

5 stars

(Excerpt from Goodreads) Former Navy Seal Ben Blackshaw lurks in solitude aboard the shoaled wreck of the American Mariner in the Chesapeake Bay. He is awakened one stormy spring night when a drifting dinghy slams into the old ship’s hull. Blackshaw investigates, and discovers there is only one occupant in the sinking boat, a naked young woman lying unconscious in the bilge.

Against his better judgment, and risking his own undercover operation, Blackshaw gives shelter to Tally, the terrified refugee. He soon learns Tally has escaped a calculating crew of sociopaths who are about to launch an internet site called L’Abattoir, on which hostages will be tortured, and then executed. Tally was able to free herself, but she now she must return to the dreaded dungeon with help to rescue her little sister, and to free twenty other victims-in-waiting.

Blackshaw’s wife, LuAnna, arrives at the old ship on a resupply mission, and upon hearing Tally’s story, encourages Blackshaw to return home to Smith Island, and enlist his friend Knocker Ellis to help. Ellis suggests inviting other Smith Islander’s to join the mission. Blackshaw and Ellis are both shocked that their friends and neighbors will not lend a hand. The two men return to the American Mariner to find that LuAnna’s crab skiff has been sunk and that LuAnna and Tally have both disappeared.

With help from weather-wizard Michael Craig, Blackshaw back-tracks the most likely meandering course that Tally’s boat drifted the night before. But when Blackshaw and Ellis arrive at the dinghy’s starting place at the pier of a waterfront home on the Chesapeake, they find two FBI agents already investigating the double-homicide of an elderly couple, and the kidnapping of the couple’s grandchildren; five-year-old twins. To Blackshaw and Ellis, this mayhem bears the bloody signature of Maynard Chalk, their old nemesis.

Blackshaw races the FBI to discover the lair where the ghoulish L’Abattoir is to take place; he is terrified that LuAnna herself has been dragged there for slaughter. What he learns about the depths of human depravity shatters not only his faith, but the foundations of his sanity.

After the book description I’m going to jump into my thoughts. I love this story. It has a horrible topic but one that is believable when you think about all the horrible things that happen to people. I like how it was portrayed. Ben is just a great character. Here he is supposed to be in hiding yet he can’t help but step up and help Tally. Then when LuAnna is taken, all bets are off.

Robert Blake Whitehill is a great author and the Ben Blackshaw series is a must for anyone that likes high tension thrillers. You will not be disappointed by this series.

I received this book for free in exchange for an honest review.

To purchase Tap Rack Bang or for more information on other books in this series, be sure to check out Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Goodreads and Robert Blake Whitehall’s website.

Read Full Post »